I may be the worst blogger ever. Seeing as this is my first post since March.... I feel the need to get back into writing though.  Sometimes, it helps through the crazy.  There has been so much going on lately, that crazy has a high potential.

Finally got some medical stuff figured out and on medication.  Medication is suppose to balance out the hormones and make me feel better, emotionally.  Other meds are suppose to make my body process what I eat so I can lose some weight, and get healthy, and feel better physically (and feel better about myself).  So far, it's hit and miss.   Most days, being the miss. 

Doctor said it could take few weeks, so I'm trying to be patient.  It's difficult though.  The majority of my day is spent feeling not quite right.  I feel sick if I don't eat.  And after I eat, I usually feel sick from whatever I've eaten... I know it's all about adjusting to the meds and finding balance.  So, I'm hanging in there with it.  If I can get past the rocky start, I know I will be much happier.

And the mood is a struggle as well.  I hit a really bad place last week.  Doctor told me to go off my anit-depressants because they could be a bad mix with everything else I'm taking now.  So, I did.  Good news is I no longer lay in bed thinking of ways to die.  And, that's a huge bit of good news.  But, I still don't feel completely out of my mope cloud.  It comes and goes.  And sometimes it changes quickly through out the day.  I still have this fog of sadness that I can't get out of my mind and heart.  I feel like I have control over it in the sense that I'm not going to completely lose my shit and do something stupid.  But, it makes me tired. It makes me even more look forward to getting used to my new meds and in a good routine that works for me. 

I have every reason in the world to be so happy.  So many great things are going on in my world... plans to go back to school, maybe getting my own place soon, teaching a ton of scuba classes and making new friends through it, awesome family, the most amazing best friend anyone could have... I can't wait until I'm able to sit back and think of all those things and feel that happiness so deep in my core; and not have it all clouded by irrational mood swings and depression. 

So, I guess that's where I'm at these days.  I'm hoping to update this more regularly.  It's a good way to "talk" about all that's circling around in my head.