Social Exchange Theory

Seriously, the "Social Exchange Theory" may be my favorite thing I learned as a pysch major.  So relevant and applicable to daily life.

You can google it, and it comes up with all kinds of info.  But, one website describes it perfectly.  I got this from http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/social_exchange.htm:

All relationships have give and take, although the balance of this exchange is not always equal. Social Exchange theory explains how we feel about a relationship with another person as depending on our perceptions of:

• The balance between what we put into the relationship and what we get out of it.
• The kind of relationship we deserve.
• The chances of having a better relationship with someone else.

I broke up with Batman today.  Been thinking long and hard about the relationship I was having with him.  And, there were no real benefits to me.  And honestly, I couldn't see any lasting benefit to him either.  Other than a hook up now and then.  And, I'm learning more about what I deserve.  I think I deserve something with a little more substance than that.  I gave us a chance to add some substance and that clearly wasn't a priority on both sides.  So, time to move on.  It was not as easy of a decision as I thought.  But, I feel like it was right and the best decision for me.  I need to get better about realizing and doing what's good for me.  This was a good step towards that.

"I love to be alone. I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude."
-Henry David Thoreau

I took photo classes in high school and we had to do a project based off of a favorite quote.  I used this one.  I did a bunch of shots of a friend of mine in these wide open spaces (long empty beaches, meadows, parks...).  In all the shots, he was by himself and would either be reading, resting, meditating, or walking.  I focused on how good it is to take time for yourself.  I spent a lot of time on my own in high school and, looking back, I'm so glad I did.  Being able to spend time alone and enjoy your own company is important.  I forgot how good that feels.

This past week, I have really focused on being okay with myself.  I have purposely spent time on my own as often as I can.  Whether that has been doing a solo dive, taking a walk/jog, a drive, or just hanging out at home.  I feel centered in my soul right now.  It feels good.  I think I may be becoming addicted to it, actually.  I look forward to the end of my day when I can go home and just spend some quiet time.  My life tends to be pretty busy between work and teaching and various social things I enjoy doing.  So, having time to myself every night this week has been amazing.  I haven't even been feeling any shred of lonely and I wondered if it would hit me at some point.  I've noticed that when I am out doing things with people, I stay more engaged and enjoy it more.  It's like I really take advantage of the social time and then really take advantage of that alone time later.  I think I'm in a good balance with myself right now and I'm planning to keep this up.  I'm happier, more rested, and not so edgy and sensitive to things.  I feel like I have control over my social life and I'm not letting it happen to me and just hanging on for the ride.  It's a good feeling.

Another good quote on solitude that I've found this week is, "I restore myself when I'm alone." -Marilyn Monroe.  I'm finding this to be so so so true.  I feel restored, rejuvenated, and focused.  All good things :-)

New Direction

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my long term direction.  I really enjoy my job.  It's fun, and I like being involved with scuba everyday.  But, I don't make nearly as much as I think the job should pay.  And, there is no real room for growth here.  This would be a great job if my life had a shared income, or if I was a bit younger and not as much else going on.  The reality is I'm almost 26.  I don't make enough to pay for my monthly living expenses.  And, I live with a roomie (who I love, but still...). 

I am finding myself in a place where I am craving independence and stability.  I would really like to feel like I can pay my bills every month.  I don't have a whole lot of them... No credit cards and no car payment. So, it shouldn't be this difficult to take care of my expenses.  Also, I would really love to have my very own place.  I love living with my brother.  He's fun and we get along great and I value the time I get to spend with him and the talks I have with him.  But, it's just time to fly from my little nest.  I would like to have my own place and that sense of independence.  I would like to feel like I can bring people over and not have to wonder about the status of my roomie.  Who knows.  If I end up in a consistent relationship with the possibility of more frequent sleepovers, it would be nice to not have the awkward "big bro in the next room" feeling.  I'm ready to be on my own and taking care of myself.

So, here's what I'm doing about it!  It's time to focus on getting into an actual "career." I've thought about teaching over and over again and I keep going back to it.  It's become quite clear to me that that is a good path for me.  So, I'm registering to take the CBEST and CSET in the next few months.  As soon as I get those done, I'll apply to some schools and get into a program that offers a Masters program along with Credentials.  About a year and a half after that, school will be done and I can get into an actual career and feel like I've really "grown up."  I'm so looking forward to that.  I know the getting out on my own won't happen over night.  I may have to keep the roommate thing up during school or go live on campus.  And, that's okay.  The point is... I feel like I'm setting goals for myself and working to achieve them and better myself and my life.  I'm really excited about it.  So, here is the list of new goals:

• Take/Pass CBEST and CSET before end of Spring
• Enroll in school before end of year.
• Finish school by the time I'm 28
• Have my *own* place, and feel some stability by the time I'm 30

Good Week

Yeah, I knew all I needed to pull me out of my mope funk was some busyness back in my life.  This week has been pretty good so far.  I have a lot going on that's making me smile.

Monday I got to hang with Batman and his new place.  I like it there.  It's cozy and he's becoming more and more easy to be around.  We've gotten to the point where we aren't just talking to get to know each other's background.  We talk about our everyday things and do the mindless chit-chat.  I like that.  That's when I feel like someone has gone beyond the "acquaintance" stage and they are an actually "friend" that you can be yourself around.  It's a good feeling.

Tuesday was Heather's rehearsal dinner.  The wedding is this Saturday, and as odd as it is to admit... I'm actually really looking forward to it.  I hung with Heather's best friend, Jill, at the rehearsal.  Me and her are like long lost soul mates or something.  We had such a good time and were so silly.  I cannot remember the last time I laughed that hard for that long.  I'm thinking I need to befriend her and hang out more often.  People like that are extra good to have in my life.  I have a need to laugh often.

Wednesday (tonight) is the much anticipated "Mexican Wrestling" night.  I've been looking forward to this for about a month.  And now, I'm even more looking forward to it just for the time to spend with Besty.  Hung out with Besty over the weekend, but it seems like it's been much longer than that.  Missing him lately.  Even though we text all day and I got a few minutes to say hi last night, I feel like we are lacking the connection that comes after a quality talk or hang out time.  I'm expecting some heavy traffic on the way into LA, and actually looking forward to that.  It'll give us a chance to chat and catch up and reconnect a bit before all the fun starts.  He's the best friend I could ever imagine having in my life so keeping a tight connection with him is big to me.  He's awesome, and I love him.  Hanging with him tonight will definitely be one of the highlights this week.

Thursday will be nice because I get to be pampered a bit.  Mani-Pedi and eyebrow waxing.  It's about time.  I love when my nails are done.  It makes me feel sassy.  And the eyebrows... yeah, lets just say I'm way overdue there.  After that, I get to go hang out with Besty's DM class in the pool.  I love hanging around that class.  I feel like I should be paying a tuition fee as well.  I'm learning a lot just just watching that class go on.  I love it.

Friday... well, Friday will need to have it's own "blog entry" I think.  Lol.  Let's just say I'll be stepping outside the box a bit.  Also, that night starts my advanced class.  I actually have enough students signed up to call it a real class.  That makes me feel so good.  And, its students that I know and that I really enjoy teaching.  We are going to have a lot of fun and I get to hang out with some of my new favorite people.

Weekend... Heather's wedding and more hang out time with Besty.  Can't ask for anything more there.  Really excited to get all fancy on Saturday.  I don't get to get dressed up very often so I'm really looking forward to it.  And, I'm very excited for Heather.  I have never seen her so happy as she is with Kevin.  Heather is one of the best people I know so it's so good to see her basking all the happy that she deserves.

So, that's the week.  Lot's of things going on that are good.  This blog is kinda long.  But, it feels good to put all the things that are making me happy into actual words.  It lets me enjoy them all that much more.  Hoping these good feelings keep up.  :-)

I'm not sure what has been up with me. But, I've really been battling lonely feelings lately. I've done a pretty good job at finding things to do this week and surrounding myself with good people. I've even managed to see the besty every day this week for one reason or another. But I still feel lonely lurking in me. I hate that. It's making me feel clingy and needy. And, I have no reason for it. Things are good in my world and I have every reason to be happy. And, I'd even say that as a whole, I am happy. There is no major stress getting me down or anything to be upset over. I'm just having a hard time connecting with anyone in a way that makes the lonely disappear. Maybe a good weekend of some rest and relaxation will help.

Quick- Schedule Something!

I'm the kind of girl that tends to stay pretty busy.  My brother, who is also my roommate, laughs because we will go days without even seeing each other and we live in a little 2-bedroom place.  He says it's nice only paying 1/2 the rent but pretty much getting his own place...  I like having a busy schedule.  It keeps the time passing and gives me little things throughout the week to look forward to.

My open water class finished up last weekend.  For the first time in quite awhile, I have absolutely nothing scheduled for this week.  Nothing for work, teaching, or social.  It's so weird.  It's only Wednesday, and already this week has seemed to be dragging on.  Another reason I like to get out there and keep things scheduled is I'm learning that I do like the company of others a lot more than I used to.  I used to keep myself pretty isolated.  I definitely liked my "me time."  But, I'm learning that I need the "me time" less than I did even a few months ago.  In fact, I'm finding it easier and easier for me to feel lonely.  I like having things to do and people to talk to.

I'm really looking forward to next week... Heather's rehearsal dinner on Tuesday.  Mexican Wrestling in LA with my besty on Wednesday.  Orientation for my advanced class on Friday.  And Heather's wedding on Saturday (and I have the hottest date ever to that!).  Lot's of fun things planned and fun people to spend time with.  And that, I am looking forward to.